Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
