tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
