how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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