Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
