the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
