hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
