no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
