So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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