im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He better not be in your backpack
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
