Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
