I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
dude. I can hear the air.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
