I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
