she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
