I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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