Say something about gay babies.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
