there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
