when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
