I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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