can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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