i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
