I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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