Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize