Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
