thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
