there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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