I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Text me some of your sweat
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
