my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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