"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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