i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
