To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This is classic penis vs brain.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
