speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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