the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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