She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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