Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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