Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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