if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
third nipple confirmed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
