Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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