why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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