he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
