ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
