apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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