i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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