I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
