I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
