turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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