At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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