who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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