Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
