first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
