The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
