Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
