a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
