bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I will be naked everywhere
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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