worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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