If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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