I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize