Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do vagina's smell?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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