so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
