I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
