I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Im part way to drunk.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
