Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
