I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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