drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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