I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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