that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
