I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
