i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
