Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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