Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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