you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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