Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
