You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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