I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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