Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
