I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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