hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My dick has a subreddit
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
