Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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