i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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