True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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