My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
birth control should be required to get into college
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize