i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
