you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
