my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
