when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize