i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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