Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
