I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
