i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
