I accidentally burped into my bong.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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