puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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