guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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