Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
