either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize