so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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