im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
