If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
