last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
