I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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